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Silverstorm847
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Name: Frank
Country: United States
State: Illinois
Gender: Male
Interests: Interests vary, easiest thing to say is that I am always trying to learn something new. My favorite thing in the whole world is a new book. I like everything from physics to metaphysics, scifi/fantasy to philosophy. My current favorite authors are Mercedes Lackey, Damien Broderick and Christopher Penczak. My other love is music. Country, folk, pop, techno, house...pretty much play me something and I'll like it.
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  Silverstorm847
Member Since:
10/10/2005
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| As of today my blog has a new home. While I have enjoyed using Xanga for the last 5 years or so I wanted a little more functionality and so we're pulling up our stakes and moving to Wordpress. Feel free to stop by and say hello. The new address will be http://besitbak.wordpress.com
Zhai'helleva
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| I just finished reading "Fortune's Fool," by Mercedes Lackey. It's the third book in a series about Fairy Godmothers and something called the Tradition. Basically the Tradition is the collected magical energies of all fairy tales and stories and the Godmother's and good witches use it to help the people's of the land. Of course the bad witches and various villains use it as well, because Tradition doesn't care if it's good or bad, just as long as the story gets told.
Now this isn't a new concept, I've run across it in other places and with lots of variations, but it is something that resonates strongly with me. One of the things that I love about stories is how the characters can come to life and I can become part of that story. I've talked before about some of the other pop culture memes that I work with, the worlds of Velgarth and Wraeththu in particular. Each of them has something specific that speaks to me and characters I can relate to. But the way I work these characters is different from the way the Tradition works. Rather than putting myself into the story, the characters come out to play (so to speak). This has provided me with several good teachers and some really good friends.
But the last couple of weeks I've been thinking about stories, and how they tend to skip a lot of the day to day stuff. And who could blame them...would you want to read about someone getting up, taking a shower, eating breakfast and going to work? Okay so you can on a lot of blogs and Twitter, but after a little while that would get old fast. But back to the main point, stories highlight, they share the details that drive the story without including all the extras. This can be useful, if you think about your life as a story you can find a new way of looking at those times when you feel stuck in a rut and not getting anywhere. It also gives you a way to get out, by either finding the next chapter that makes it into the story, or by changing the story itself. Of course this doesn't mean all the background detail is unimportant...after all if I didn't get up and go to work everyday I wouldn't have the resources to live my story.
There was more that I was going to add, but I can't find it now...I guess that means it's time to go to bed.
Zhai'helleva
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| Last night was Fire Dance. It's the Brotherhood's celebration of early summer and the face of the Lover. It was lots of fun. We danced around the May pole and had a great time. There were a bunch of new seekers (cute too, I might add) and that's always exciting. T. and I taught the workshop, and it went pretty well. Of course I thought I did a horrible job, but T. said I was fine, so I'm gonna take his word for it. Afterwards I went to gayhop with a few of the brothers cuz we were starving. So overall a great evening, although by the time I got home (1:30a) I was exhausted and ready to fall over.
This morning I woke up still feeling tired and a little depressed. At first I thought it was just cuz of the long day yesterday mixed with post ritual let down. Those were definatly part of it, but I think it's also part of some other stuff I've been feeling for a while. I'm kinda stuck in a rut. I feel like all I ever do anymore is work and brotherhood related. Now don't get me wrong I love what I'm doing with both of those, but after a while I'm left wanting something different for a change. On top of that, I've been really wanting a bf lately. If we don't include the boy that I was "not-dating" it's been almost 2 years since I've had a relationship. And I know that I have friends who have gone longer, but that doesn't change the fact that I want one. It's not about the sex, I can find that other places....it's the cuddling I miss the most. And the talking, and just hanging out and all the other stuff. I can do that with my friends, but it's not the same. And I'm not sure where I'm going to find a bf either. Work is completly out....I'm not looking to date co-workers (although I possibly wouldn't say no to a customer). And the brotherhood is out as well. I love my brothers, but there aren't any that I want to date. And again, I'm not really looking to date a seeker. And that brings us back to the rut. I don't DO anything other than those two groups. I don't even have that many friends anymore who aren't tied back to one of them. Right now my best prospect is a semi abusive, ex junkie ex bf who going to be spending a month in jail. I wish I knew why I was still in love with him, probably partly because he treats me like shit. And he has gotten much better since we dated 5 years ago, but does that mean I should settle for that. (On a side note, I said the last couple of sentences to a friend, and he started yelling at me about how I could do better than that. I never said I couldn't do better, just that the ex was the best prospect I had at the moment.) Somewhere out there there are better guys...I just need to find out where they are. And of course to make things even more complicated, I'm so fracking shy. I hate going places and doing things by myself. I can't even go to the bars and talk to guys. I end up standing in the corner and staring like a creepy old man. God, I hate my life.
Okay now I'm really starting to whine....I think that's a sign it's time for bed. Maybe I just need a vacation.
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| Community. It has become a buzz word for many, but what do we really mean by it. Humans are, by and large, social animals who often define themselves by their relationships with other people. We are always looking for those ways in which we connect to others, and for that matter the ways we are different. According to Dictionary.com community is defined as:
a social group of any size whose members reside in a specific locality, share government, and often have a common cultural and historical heritage. a locality inhabited by such a group. a social, religious, occupational, or other group sharing common characteristics or interests and perceived or perceiving itself as distinct in some respect from the larger society within which it exists (usually prec. by the): the business community; the community of scholars.
So a community is a group of people who have something in common. Each of us has our own sets of communities that we are a part of. For example, I am part of the Chicago community, the gay community, the neo-pagan community, the kink community, the Sbux community, the Xanga community, the MapleStory community...and that's just what I could think of off the top of my head. Now my levels of involvement in each of those is different, yet they are all part of me and I would miss each one if I wasn't part of it (of course then I might be part of a different community and not know what I was missing). But the really important thing is that while each community has a hand in shaping who I am, the reciprocal is also true, I have a hand in shaping the communities I'm part of. Part of my calling as a priest and a kestra'chern is to help those communities in whatever way I can. Obviously my interactions will be different for each one. I'm not to likely to be acting as a priest and mentor in MapleStory, but there are still ways that comes out. I play fair, offer help to other players when I can and generally try to be a nice player. At Sbux I don't usually act as a priest, but occasionally my partners will talk about personal lives and I try to have a work of advice or at the very least a listening ear. What really makes it interesting is that my personality is that of a submissive introvert. I don't (generally) like telling others what to do and I hate being in large crowds. I would much rather have a one-on-one conversation over a cup of coffee than lead a workshop or something where I am in front of people. Now don't get me wrong, I can lead and I am willing to do it when it's needed, but I would much rather remain in the back where I can offer support and encouragement to those who enjoy being in the spotlight. Even after 2+ years of leading Brotherhood rituals I still get nervous before every one. But slowly I am starting to realize that it's not just me up there, I may be the physical body, but it is the Divine (in whatever form it takes) working through me to minister to that community. So what is the point of this post? Simply this, find your communities and find the ways in which you can help them grow and change. And remember the biggest community we're all a part of, the Earth. That's right you can change the world. | | |
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